Welcome to Facebook!

Welcome to Facebook!

Your one-stop shop for all of your social needs!  Socialize without the unnecessary social mores, like brushing your hair or using deodorant!  Never again will you be bogged down by such details as whether someone else cares about what you're saying--it doesn't matter!  Whats more, no need to be self conscious in groups--there are so many people updating their statuses that your post will be off their radars in no time! 

Here's a glimpse of what you can do:

• Re-live the good old days when you used to speak to your best friends for hours and hours on the phone! Through Facebook messages you can re-connect with old friends by chronicling every year of your life since you last saw them--without having to pay for those nasty long-distance minutes!
• Remember hanging out at the mall, roaming in and out of dark, seedy stores while waiting for cute guys or hot babes to show up?  Don't waste your time!  Use our group app to hang out at your dream venue, where you would be happy to wait for others to show up--if they do at all!  Simply create a group with a theme that interests you.  But don't put too much thought into it: you can create totally nonsensical groups, like the "twiddling thumbers" forum or "fans of garbage."  If you build it, they will come!
• Impress the world and yourself with the number of friends you have!  They're easy to accumulate!  Simply friend anyone and everyone: people you like, people you don't like--even those you don't know well enough to know whether or not you like them!  Friend anyone you've ever heard of!  Heck, friend President Obama!
• Show a friend you care by purchasing our ready-made, truly-sincere one-word sentiments--each comes with an absolutely adorable hieroglyphic!
• So you don't forget anyone's special day, Facebook lists every friend who has a birthday each week.  If you don't log onto Facebook for a while, you will at least be able to tell whose birthday you missed!  Socializing wouldn't be authentic if you weren't a little rude every now and then!
• Facebook isn't just about friends.  For instance, you can play games that will show you what it would be like if you lived in another way--maybe if you were a farmer, milking a cow, buying a new horse, shoveling manure!

Don't take our word for it--go ahead and explore!  Hop onto your wall right now and start some quality procrastination!

Seattle vs. New York, Part 2: Story Time

A couple of years ago  I was in the car with my two kids waiting on a drive-through coffee stand.  It was early in the morning, and I planned to take the kids to school after getting coffee for me, muffins for them. We were the first in line.  In front of us were actually people on foot at the window buying their breakfasts.  School buses were nearby, so I gathered that they were bus drivers. We continued waiting on the line, I was talking to the kids, and--I don't remember why--my son became completely incensed by something  I said and called me a horrible name.  I was, in turn, so mad that I grabbed his 300-pound backpack, threw it out the car window and told him to walk to school. 

One of the bus drivers saw the whole thing. She went over to the backpack, picked it up off the ground, and came up to my window and started handing it to me.  I stopped her in her tracks and told her that I didn't want it. Perplexity spread across her face as she continued to offer me the bag.  She held it closer and closer to me.  What, did she think that the bag fell out of the window?  Aside from the impossible weight of the bag from the school books within, we were in a van!  That bag couldn't possibly have accidentally dropped out of the driver's window!  As she was about to push the bag through the window, I snarled at her like a Doberman Pincher encountering a baby in the 1980s.  Perplexity turned into hurt.  She skulked away.

My son got out of the car, picked up his bag and began walking. 

The Point:
If we were in NY, and someone did see the bag shoot out of my window, they would pretend that they hadn't seen it.  NYers mind their own business, even at the expense of their victims.  Seattlites can not pass up the chance to be good Samaritans, even at the expense of their victims.

Seattle vs. New York, Part 1: The Explanation

They say that people in the mid-west or those in the South are ultra polite and pleasant to talk to.  Maybe I need to be introduced to that gradually.  Maybe my current locale is a step in between blunt and ultra kind. 

Let me explain.  I lived on the East Coast until age 35.  I lived in NY, suburbs of NY and Philly.  About a decade ago I moved to Seattle.  On the whole, Seattlites are uniformly nicer than New Yorkers.  Which do I prefer?

Both. Each perspective has its own merits, and each are a part of me.  Dr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde? 

I think not.

Seattle v New York, author's note

All commentary comparing NY and Seattle is strictly based on stereotypes.  Although the author has blatantly reinforced ethnocentrisms, she asks you not to judge her, but to revel in the depth--nuances if you will--of her comparisons between inhabitants of each city.  You might see the analogy to people everywhere--your neighbors, schoolmates, enemies and friends.  Indeed, it may even reflect the contradictions in all of us. 

Think of it as this: Sam Seattle, aside from being a decade behind contemporary fashion, is one of those friendly, affable people who sometimes are so nice that at times you want to shake her until marbles fall out of him.  Nina New York, aside from being stunningly fashionable, is one of those loving, caring people who can be so blunt that you want to knock her out. Of course, while both are recovering from their injuries, you miss them terribly.

Ah, the dichotomy of humanity.

Welcome, but what about you?

I have decided to put myself and my thoughts out there because I like being heard.  It's that simple.

I've always wanted to have a blog--even before blogs were created I wanted one.  Somewhere to share my brilliant opinions where people would think they were just that.  Somewhere to publish my writing and thinking, since I am thinking all the time:  I narrate my life, observe my surroundings all the time.  It's not like I have another voice in my head or anything like that.  It's enough to write down as much and as long as I want.  I have written for myself before, just not so public.

Maybe it's a narcissist thing.

Seriously folks, writing organizes my thoughts and helps me realize just what it is that is bothering me, or what I need to do, or plain old giving me an outlet for my creativity. 

When I get all fuh-toot'-zzled (see sidebar), I start writing whatever comes to my mind and sooner or later i get to the real feelings that are bothering me or I put myself on the page, as much as three dimensional turns into one.